2020 Friending Meme

[st_aurafina]

This helped me a lot in early 2017 when Trump had just been elected, and I am hoping we can get the same feeling going again, after the UK election was such a shock.

Connections are important when it feels like the world is getting darker. Fandom is a huge and strong network of people. We don't always get along, but we're stronger together.

Make new friends, reconnect with those who have drifted, enlarge your circle, and know you are not alone.

To play, cut and paste this text into a comment, fill out the details and tell us about yourself. Then go find new people to add.

<strong>DW username</strong>: <strong>Preferred pronouns:</strong> <strong>Other platforms (tumblr, twitter, etc)</strong>: <strong>Active/primary interests or fandoms</strong>: (keep this fairly short, so people will read it!) <strong>If you've seen me around, it's probably because</strong>: (how might people have seen you online / in fandom?) <strong>I post about</strong>: (fandom, real life, or a combination) <strong>I post/check my feed</strong>: (daily, weekly, twice a year, etc) <strong>I want to find people that post about</strong>: (specific fandoms, fandom in general, books, RL, SJ, etc) <strong>I am most interested in interacting with people on:</strong> (DW, Twitter, Tumblr, etc) <strong>My blog is</strong>: (public, selectively public, friends-only) <strong>Anything else you need to know about me:</strong> (A good place to talk about your fandom shipping preferences, characters, type of fic/art/etc you like. Or link to your intro post. Or put a cute photo of your cat.)

If you don't have a Dreamwidth account, you can sign up for one here.
If you're new to Dreamwidth and you've left OpenID comments on DW before, you can link your IDs here: How can I claim my OpenID account with my Dreamwidth account?

Play nice.

And feel free to promote wherever you like with this handy box of linkage:

<a href="https://st-aurafina.dreamwidth.org/287751.html"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/ooqK0gK.png" alt="Let's Stick Together: a friending meme for a new year. Image is two giraffes, one leaning almost at right angles to put their head on their friend's neck."></a>

ETA on Sat morning AEST: This text box was functionally busted a few hours ago, so if you grabbed the code then, you might have an image with no link. It's fixed now, with all new alt text for screen readers. If your promo link is just an image, please replace the code with what's in the box now. Thanks for all the posts, btw! Giraffes popping up everywhere.

Comments

[ng_moonmoth]

I'm generally interested in anyone challenging presumptive gendering with their pronouns.

My intro comment is over here.

[flikkeren]

I dislike presumptive gendering :[ and often wonder how my life would be without it. I so wish that the norm in our language/society was default gender neutral/genderless pronouns. And then that we could then build from there.

Anyway hi :)

[ng_moonmoth]

>> I dislike presumptive gendering :[ and often wonder how my life would be without it. <<

I'd say about as much as you have felt genderboxed by other people's assumptions about your presumed gender. I have realized that I didn't get a chance to find out who I really was because I was genderboxed into constructing a cishet identity. I;m working out from the rubble of that identity now.

>> I so wish that the norm in our language/society was default gender neutral/genderless pronouns. <<

I decided a couple years ago to start trying to push things in that direction by using singular they in any case where either I or the person I am talking with does not have explicit knowledge of that person's gender -- and not to make assumptions based on appearance. If someone I'm talking with tries that, I'm pushing back by saying that I haven't engaged with that person, so have no way of knowing their gender. Further attempts can get me to ask, "Are you going to do anything with that gender besides stereotype?" Maybe it won't have an effect, but it might get people thinking.

The next step I'm working on comes from that place. If gender is irrelevant to what is being discussed, it would be nice if singular they could be used. This is not by way of denying someone's declared gender, but by way of detaching their gender from an interaction that should be, but often is not, gender-free.

What are your thoughts on this?

[flikkeren]

I think it's great that you are doing that by using singular they whenever you can. I try to do this as well. I have mixed success; I am fairly decent when it's regarding a stranger, but it's very easy for me to fall into gendered pronouns after I know a person, even if I know that they (like me) are open to and/or prefer neutral pronouns like "they"...which is one reason that I wish it were more the norm, because I know how easy it is to fall into and I know how much I dislike that and think it's overall harmful to individuals and our society/species/etc. I think you're right that doing that consistently will get people thinking. Often people start to question gender over many interactions like that, and at first a person might be resistant to the idea whereas if they are exposed to it several times, a year later they may embrace it. I live in a very rural and conservative area and some of my clients are transgender, and there have been some very ignorant comments made by co-workers. I always try to express why we should be supporting xyz or reiterate support for broader gender expression in a way that relevant to the conversation at the time ("it's important we have an inclusive environment so I really try to use the correct pronouns for that person," or "so-and-so already struggles with a lot from their family so I do my best to make sure they feel safe here," etc). Over the last year I have noticed a lot more acceptance and people correcting themselves and really trying to use the correct pronouns, fewer negative comments, etc. I'm not sure how much I contributed to that but I hope it was something.

[ng_moonmoth]

>> I think it's great that you are [encouraging default gender-neutral/genderless pronouns] by using singular they whenever you can. I try to do this as well. I have mixed success; I am fairly decent when it's regarding a stranger, but it's very easy for me to fall into gendered pronouns after I know a person, even if I know that they (like me) are open to and/or prefer neutral pronouns like "they"...which is one reason that I wish it were more the norm, because I know how easy it is to fall into and I know how much I dislike that and think it's overall harmful to individuals and our society/species/etc. <<

Changing the habits of a lifetime is hard, and takes time. As I mentioned in a conversation I was in some months ago about pronouns, just say "Oops!", apologize, and move on. The article I got this advice from described it as a way of putting the focus on using the correct pronoun, not on your misstep -- and that is much more affirming to the person in question.

>> I think you're right that doing that consistently will get people thinking. Often people start to question gender over many interactions like that, and at first a person might be resistant to the idea whereas if they are exposed to it several times, a year later they may embrace it. <<

And I hope that the more people who do it, and the more often it happens, the more customary it will become. And in a way much better than trying to enforce it by edict from above. (See also below.)

>> I live in a very rural and conservative area and some of my clients are transgender, and there have been some very ignorant comments made by co-workers. I always try to express why we should be supporting xyz or reiterate support for broader gender expression in a way that relevant to the conversation at the time ("it's important we have an inclusive environment so I really try to use the correct pronouns for that person," or "so-and-so already struggles with a lot from their family so I do my best to make sure they feel safe here," etc). Over the last year I have noticed a lot more acceptance and people correcting themselves and really trying to use the correct pronouns, fewer negative comments, etc. I'm not sure how much I contributed to that but I hope it was something. <<

I'd say it was quite a bit more than just "something". And I'd chalk a good deal of that up to how you present the concept of using someone's declared pronouns as a benefit for that person, as opposed to treating not using them as an error. Your examples are well worth incorporating into my own pronoun advocacy.