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st_aurafinaThis semi was disappointingly low on crack. The fact that I had time to go looking for videos to embed for each act tells you that I actually had little to write about. Everyone was pretty good.
Except for the Netherlands.
And Georgia.
And Turkey.
And Slovenia's virgin sacrifice.
*cheers up*
---
Serbia
Serbia is usually pretty classy. Tonight they brought a clarinet, I think that counts.
Not sure about the slow walking, but then again, Molitva was all about the slow walking, and Molitva won.
Well, that was very good and well practiced - some questionable dance moves, especially the squatting violinists, but I liked the song.
---
FYR Macedonia
Super-drama. I don't know why I buy the violins from Serbia's act, but this violin seems kind of pointless.
Ooh, it got all rock. I like it better now. Now it's gutsy. And there's an electro cello, I approve of that. Now I'm all about her double breasted suit and the gutsy voice. Totally sold on that.
---
The Netherlands
Quite worried about the feathered headdress on this one. I think maybe that wasn't a good idea to wear that.
Fuck me, that's dire. Out of tune, tasteless and boring. And you know how, when you have so much mascara on that your eyes can't quite move in sync?
There's a random girl in beige over on the far left of the stage, with a tambourine, and I think she's trying to distance herself from this car-wreck. I don't blame her.
---
Malta
Based entirely on my past experiences with Eurovision, I have to assume that Malta is filled with beautiful, incredibly symmetrical people who can sing.
This guy is not one of those Maltese people. He is symmetrical, but his head too pointy to make a faux-hawk flattering. Also his song is bland.
Okay, possibly saved by the formation dancing. That was funky.
---
Belarus
Belarus doesn't come every year, but when they do, they're usually amazingly bad.
*waits patiently* Laser beam sound effects are a good start.
Dude, did you mod up your microphones? Why? It looks like the joystick for an alien ship. Also, this is the highlight of their performance. Otherwise, it's a boring soft-rock ballad thing.
lilacsigil: At least their chain mail will have kept a SCA chapter in work for a bit.
Me: Not sure if there's SCA in Belarus.
lilacsigil: SCA is everywhere.
(First google hit is SCA demands duty-free Belarus tractors import)
---
Portugal
Super glam! Me likey.
Wait, how many of them are there? I mean, no more than six, obviously, but more and more singers keep popping up here.
Okay, the silver one seems to be the queen bee. The ones in black are her drones.
Meh, it's a standard ballad. It would be more interesting if she pulled out her ovipositor and got to work.
---
Ukraine
(Never forget Ruslana and her wild-dancing fur-men.)
Are those dancers projected on the screen, or really there? I love that I can't tell. BOTH, it turns out.
I am a sucker for any act that has dancing men in skirts. And these men have fake trumpets and cute little pixie boots. Gaitana has a great voice, and a dress designed for shimmying.
Virtual crowd projected onto a screen! That's a brilliant way around the six person limit. This is a winning act!
---
Bulgaria
Apparently this song has seven different languages in it. Good strategy for garnering botes.
Techno anthem. Okay, I guess? Thigh high white leather boots, though! And Catherine wheels!
Still, a bit meh.
---
Slovenia
She's only sixteen, that's dear. But the veiled women in white surrounding her? I'm kind of getting a virgin sacrifice vibe here. Her dress is made of roses. All the other women are these stern looking ice-blondes who keep coming up and stroking her arms.
Get ready to run, sweetie, before they take you to the special room. After the key change.
RUUUUUN!
---
Croatia
More dancing men in skirts. I approve. But these men are more tortured. They're in artistic pain which they can only express with jerky arm movements.
Wait. I see a skirt that's coming off! I'm sure. They're teasing me - they keep reaching out for her skirt, then pulling away. Skirt teasers.
Now they're unwrapping her, slowly, with sad faces. The pain. The sadness, the badly folded linen.
---
Sweden
Apparently the favourite. A baby Kate Bush style singer.
She's dramatically backlit, and she's definitely got the Kate Bush moves. The wind machine is working hard. She's moving back and forth on the stage like Kate Bush. Ooh, now it's snowing on her, and she's sitting in the snow like the little angry match girl. Then a guy picked her up and danced to back to happiness.
---
Georgia
Starts with a singing monk. This should be good. Sad that he went offstage to pull his monk's habit off, though.
Oh. Georgia.
Oh.
This is one of those act with many disparate factors that mean absolutely nothing. Like, man in monk's habit ---> singing women in black corsets ---> rapper playing a giant drum ---> random dancer with long red ponytail ---> piano solo ---> dance number ---> end.
y tho, Georgia?
---
Turkey
Manly men in capes. I approve. There is much manly twirling in formation. This is good.
Not so sure about the lead singer's sailor rent boy suit.
WAIT A MINUTE. THE MEN HAVE FORMED A BOAT WITH THEIR CAPES. HE IS THE CAPTAIN OF HIS OWN SHIP. I LIKE IT.
Okay, for the body-origami, and the pageantry, I give them a pass.
---
Estonia
Apparently he won Estonian Idol? It's a very Idol song. He looks like one of Klaus' many brothers from Vampire Diaries.
Key change. I'd take a drink if this wasn't Eurovision-sober.
Ugh, too calculated for me. Needs moar crack.
---
Slovakia
Death metal. Thanks to Lordi's win a few years back, there's always one.
Gosh, his pants are very low.
---
Norway
This guy is scarily good looking. I'm not sure what he means by "This Russian is making me stronger." Like, a super-soldier thing?
---
Bosnia and Herzogovina
Everyone is so competent tonight, I've got nothing to do but mock their costumes. Nice shoulder wings, B&H.
*sigh*
---
Lithuania
Your song is called "Love is Blind", and you're wearing a blindfold?
Bet he rips it off.
Yeah, I wouldn't take that bet, either.
Not sure about the gyrating air-guitar moves.
---
I don't know. It was all scarily competent. I miss my flaily, stilt-walking, off-key singing, dress-tearing Eurovision.
Ah well! Finals tomorrow night! I'm reading Mira Grant's third zombie novel, and I find scary similarities between her zombies and Engelbert Humperdinck.
Except for the Netherlands.
And Georgia.
And Turkey.
And Slovenia's virgin sacrifice.
*cheers up*
---
Serbia
Serbia is usually pretty classy. Tonight they brought a clarinet, I think that counts.
Not sure about the slow walking, but then again, Molitva was all about the slow walking, and Molitva won.
Well, that was very good and well practiced - some questionable dance moves, especially the squatting violinists, but I liked the song.
---
FYR Macedonia
Super-drama. I don't know why I buy the violins from Serbia's act, but this violin seems kind of pointless.
Ooh, it got all rock. I like it better now. Now it's gutsy. And there's an electro cello, I approve of that. Now I'm all about her double breasted suit and the gutsy voice. Totally sold on that.
---
The Netherlands
Quite worried about the feathered headdress on this one. I think maybe that wasn't a good idea to wear that.
Fuck me, that's dire. Out of tune, tasteless and boring. And you know how, when you have so much mascara on that your eyes can't quite move in sync?
There's a random girl in beige over on the far left of the stage, with a tambourine, and I think she's trying to distance herself from this car-wreck. I don't blame her.
---
Malta
Based entirely on my past experiences with Eurovision, I have to assume that Malta is filled with beautiful, incredibly symmetrical people who can sing.
This guy is not one of those Maltese people. He is symmetrical, but his head too pointy to make a faux-hawk flattering. Also his song is bland.
Okay, possibly saved by the formation dancing. That was funky.
---
Belarus
Belarus doesn't come every year, but when they do, they're usually amazingly bad.
*waits patiently* Laser beam sound effects are a good start.
Dude, did you mod up your microphones? Why? It looks like the joystick for an alien ship. Also, this is the highlight of their performance. Otherwise, it's a boring soft-rock ballad thing.
lilacsigil: At least their chain mail will have kept a SCA chapter in work for a bit. Me: Not sure if there's SCA in Belarus.
lilacsigil: SCA is everywhere. (First google hit is SCA demands duty-free Belarus tractors import)
---
Portugal
Super glam! Me likey.
Wait, how many of them are there? I mean, no more than six, obviously, but more and more singers keep popping up here.
Okay, the silver one seems to be the queen bee. The ones in black are her drones.
Meh, it's a standard ballad. It would be more interesting if she pulled out her ovipositor and got to work.
---
Ukraine
(Never forget Ruslana and her wild-dancing fur-men.)
Are those dancers projected on the screen, or really there? I love that I can't tell. BOTH, it turns out.
I am a sucker for any act that has dancing men in skirts. And these men have fake trumpets and cute little pixie boots. Gaitana has a great voice, and a dress designed for shimmying.
Virtual crowd projected onto a screen! That's a brilliant way around the six person limit. This is a winning act!
---
Bulgaria
Apparently this song has seven different languages in it. Good strategy for garnering botes.
Techno anthem. Okay, I guess? Thigh high white leather boots, though! And Catherine wheels!
Still, a bit meh.
---
Slovenia
She's only sixteen, that's dear. But the veiled women in white surrounding her? I'm kind of getting a virgin sacrifice vibe here. Her dress is made of roses. All the other women are these stern looking ice-blondes who keep coming up and stroking her arms.
Get ready to run, sweetie, before they take you to the special room. After the key change.
RUUUUUN!
---
Croatia
More dancing men in skirts. I approve. But these men are more tortured. They're in artistic pain which they can only express with jerky arm movements.
Wait. I see a skirt that's coming off! I'm sure. They're teasing me - they keep reaching out for her skirt, then pulling away. Skirt teasers.
Now they're unwrapping her, slowly, with sad faces. The pain. The sadness, the badly folded linen.
---
Sweden
Apparently the favourite. A baby Kate Bush style singer.
She's dramatically backlit, and she's definitely got the Kate Bush moves. The wind machine is working hard. She's moving back and forth on the stage like Kate Bush. Ooh, now it's snowing on her, and she's sitting in the snow like the little angry match girl. Then a guy picked her up and danced to back to happiness.
---
Georgia
Starts with a singing monk. This should be good. Sad that he went offstage to pull his monk's habit off, though.
Oh. Georgia.
Oh.
This is one of those act with many disparate factors that mean absolutely nothing. Like, man in monk's habit ---> singing women in black corsets ---> rapper playing a giant drum ---> random dancer with long red ponytail ---> piano solo ---> dance number ---> end.
y tho, Georgia?
---
Turkey
Manly men in capes. I approve. There is much manly twirling in formation. This is good.
Not so sure about the lead singer's sailor rent boy suit.
WAIT A MINUTE. THE MEN HAVE FORMED A BOAT WITH THEIR CAPES. HE IS THE CAPTAIN OF HIS OWN SHIP. I LIKE IT.
Okay, for the body-origami, and the pageantry, I give them a pass.
---
Estonia
Apparently he won Estonian Idol? It's a very Idol song. He looks like one of Klaus' many brothers from Vampire Diaries.
Key change. I'd take a drink if this wasn't Eurovision-sober.
Ugh, too calculated for me. Needs moar crack.
---
Slovakia
Death metal. Thanks to Lordi's win a few years back, there's always one.
Gosh, his pants are very low.
---
Norway
This guy is scarily good looking. I'm not sure what he means by "This Russian is making me stronger." Like, a super-soldier thing?
---
Bosnia and Herzogovina
Everyone is so competent tonight, I've got nothing to do but mock their costumes. Nice shoulder wings, B&H.
*sigh*
---
Lithuania
Your song is called "Love is Blind", and you're wearing a blindfold?
Bet he rips it off.
Yeah, I wouldn't take that bet, either.
Not sure about the gyrating air-guitar moves.
---
I don't know. It was all scarily competent. I miss my flaily, stilt-walking, off-key singing, dress-tearing Eurovision.
Ah well! Finals tomorrow night! I'm reading Mira Grant's third zombie novel, and I find scary similarities between her zombies and Engelbert Humperdinck.