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st_aurafinaTitle: Baby Shampoo
Fandom: Twin Peaks, The Inside
Rating: PG
Words: 800
Characters/Pairings: Rebecca Locke, Audrey Horne
Warnings:
Summary: Sometimes it's hard for Rebecca to ask for help.
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fandom_stocking. This is a prequel to The Magician Longs to See, but can be read as a stand-alone.
Rebecca leaned an elbow on the plain wooden desk, and forced her eyes to focus on the list of codes they had to memorise before class tomorrow. She could do this. She knew how to block out the rest of the room; she'd learned that skill in college, when there was no way around sharing her living space. Quantico was proving more difficult, though: every day was exhausting, every person was as smart as her, and there was just no energy left at the end of the day to make that empty space inside her head.
There was nothing wrong with her roommate. Audrey Horne was polite, stayed on her side of the room, and didn't question the lack of photographs or personal memorabilia on the shared dresser, though she had, herself, taped a photo of her older brother to the olive-drab wall. She never called her "Becky" or tried to hug her. She didn't talk much at all, actually, and Rebecca was grateful for that.
Rebecca pushed a hand through her hair, and it snagged. There was a part of the daily run that involved bellying under a low bridge, through inches of fine, silty mud that clung. Rebecca had washed and washed her hair this morning, but there was still an odd greenish tint to her ponytail. Later in the morning, in the middle of a lecture, one of the ex-cops had reached across the desk to pull a twig from her hair, and handed to her as a faux-gallant gesture. Rebecca bobbed her head and blushed, but under the desk she was digging her nails into the side of her leg because how dare he invade her space like that? Fit in, fit in, fit in, she had chanted to herself for the rest of the day. Now her vision was blurred from fatigue, she still had a column of codes to memorise, and there was mud in her hair. All she wanted was a moment of stillness, and a chance to feel okay about herself.
Across the room, Audrey cleared her throat and raised her hand.
Rebecca frowned; this wasn't high-school. "Yes?"
"The mud won't come out because your hair is fine. A girl I knew at school; she used baby shampoo." Audrey was less tactful than the social norm demanded , but honestly, Rebecca would rather tactlessness than pointless social exchanges.
"I don't have any baby shampoo," she said, and turned back to her codes.
Audrey stood up. "Angela has some; I could smell it on her when we were grappling. I'll go borrow it." She waited for Rebecca's approval before ducking into the corridor. She was back in moments, triumphantly holding the bottle of golden shampoo in her hands.
Rebecca took it, and looked towards the bathroom. The hot water in the dorms was notoriously bad in the evenings. A cold shower would help her focus. Probably.
Audrey hesitated, then spoke. "I could wash it in the basin. If you want."
Rebecca weighed up the thought of cold, bunched muscles versus letting someone touch her hair. It would be no worse than the salon. She let herself nod once.
Braced against the basin, Rebecca shivered as the first cupful of warm water rolled over her scalp.
Audrey paused with the mug in her hand. "You okay? You want me to stop?"
Rebecca shook her head, gently so as not to dislodge the towel padding the back of her neck. "No. It's okay." And it really was: the waves of warm water banished the headache hovering somewhere in the middle of Rebecca's forehead and the smell of the baby shampoo made her think of fluffy white towels and small safe places. By the time Audrey finally teased the tangled hair apart with gentle fingers, Rebecca was finding it difficult to keep her eyes open.
"Don't let me fall asleep," she said with a sudden jerk. She didn't want to wake up to a stranger's hands on her body, even if it was only Audrey in oversized flannel pyjamas.
Audrey rubbed the strands of hair against each other, and dipped them into the foamy water in the basin. "Okay, let's go over those codes."
Later, with her hair dried and caught up in an elastic band, Rebecca curled under the blankets on her narrow bed with her limbs warm and her codes memorised. On the other side of the room, Audrey's breathing was beginning to slow. Rebecca waited until she was almost certain that Audrey was asleep, then she took a deep breath herself.
"Thanks." The word rushed out of her in a hurry, and she worried for a moment that it was too loud, but Audrey only murmured in her sleep and turned onto her side. Rebecca sighed in relief, pulled her knees to her chest, and breathed in the mild, clean smell of childhood.
Fandom: Twin Peaks, The Inside
Rating: PG
Words: 800
Characters/Pairings: Rebecca Locke, Audrey Horne
Warnings:
Summary: Sometimes it's hard for Rebecca to ask for help.
Notes: Written for
fandom_stocking. This is a prequel to The Magician Longs to See, but can be read as a stand-alone. Rebecca leaned an elbow on the plain wooden desk, and forced her eyes to focus on the list of codes they had to memorise before class tomorrow. She could do this. She knew how to block out the rest of the room; she'd learned that skill in college, when there was no way around sharing her living space. Quantico was proving more difficult, though: every day was exhausting, every person was as smart as her, and there was just no energy left at the end of the day to make that empty space inside her head.
There was nothing wrong with her roommate. Audrey Horne was polite, stayed on her side of the room, and didn't question the lack of photographs or personal memorabilia on the shared dresser, though she had, herself, taped a photo of her older brother to the olive-drab wall. She never called her "Becky" or tried to hug her. She didn't talk much at all, actually, and Rebecca was grateful for that.
Rebecca pushed a hand through her hair, and it snagged. There was a part of the daily run that involved bellying under a low bridge, through inches of fine, silty mud that clung. Rebecca had washed and washed her hair this morning, but there was still an odd greenish tint to her ponytail. Later in the morning, in the middle of a lecture, one of the ex-cops had reached across the desk to pull a twig from her hair, and handed to her as a faux-gallant gesture. Rebecca bobbed her head and blushed, but under the desk she was digging her nails into the side of her leg because how dare he invade her space like that? Fit in, fit in, fit in, she had chanted to herself for the rest of the day. Now her vision was blurred from fatigue, she still had a column of codes to memorise, and there was mud in her hair. All she wanted was a moment of stillness, and a chance to feel okay about herself.
Across the room, Audrey cleared her throat and raised her hand.
Rebecca frowned; this wasn't high-school. "Yes?"
"The mud won't come out because your hair is fine. A girl I knew at school; she used baby shampoo." Audrey was less tactful than the social norm demanded , but honestly, Rebecca would rather tactlessness than pointless social exchanges.
"I don't have any baby shampoo," she said, and turned back to her codes.
Audrey stood up. "Angela has some; I could smell it on her when we were grappling. I'll go borrow it." She waited for Rebecca's approval before ducking into the corridor. She was back in moments, triumphantly holding the bottle of golden shampoo in her hands.
Rebecca took it, and looked towards the bathroom. The hot water in the dorms was notoriously bad in the evenings. A cold shower would help her focus. Probably.
Audrey hesitated, then spoke. "I could wash it in the basin. If you want."
Rebecca weighed up the thought of cold, bunched muscles versus letting someone touch her hair. It would be no worse than the salon. She let herself nod once.
Braced against the basin, Rebecca shivered as the first cupful of warm water rolled over her scalp.
Audrey paused with the mug in her hand. "You okay? You want me to stop?"
Rebecca shook her head, gently so as not to dislodge the towel padding the back of her neck. "No. It's okay." And it really was: the waves of warm water banished the headache hovering somewhere in the middle of Rebecca's forehead and the smell of the baby shampoo made her think of fluffy white towels and small safe places. By the time Audrey finally teased the tangled hair apart with gentle fingers, Rebecca was finding it difficult to keep her eyes open.
"Don't let me fall asleep," she said with a sudden jerk. She didn't want to wake up to a stranger's hands on her body, even if it was only Audrey in oversized flannel pyjamas.
Audrey rubbed the strands of hair against each other, and dipped them into the foamy water in the basin. "Okay, let's go over those codes."
Later, with her hair dried and caught up in an elastic band, Rebecca curled under the blankets on her narrow bed with her limbs warm and her codes memorised. On the other side of the room, Audrey's breathing was beginning to slow. Rebecca waited until she was almost certain that Audrey was asleep, then she took a deep breath herself.
"Thanks." The word rushed out of her in a hurry, and she worried for a moment that it was too loud, but Audrey only murmured in her sleep and turned onto her side. Rebecca sighed in relief, pulled her knees to her chest, and breathed in the mild, clean smell of childhood.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-08 05:42 pm (UTC)I love this endlessly.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-09 11:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-09 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-10 06:23 am (UTC)But Rebecca, I think, at that age, would care a lot more about fitting in - though at the start of The Inside, she's in a place where she's examining how she's different from other people, and on what level she could choose to engage with them. Because she can sure as hell turn it on and fake it, but why should she have to? And the more comfortable she gets with her team, the less she bothers. (Like, the more comfortable I am, the less I bother with the social convention of making eye contact. If I trust you, I know you won't be offended or read other social cues into me looking away while I talk to you.)
OMG I HAD THOUGHTS AFTER ALL. I am surprised.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-10 02:13 pm (UTC)As a result of this fic I started a rewatch this week of The Inside, and started watching Twin Peaks for the first time. And I think, yes, Rebecca is exceedingly goal-oriented when it comes to her self-control. I think that the only model she has for self-control is in the pursuit of important goals.
I mean, rather, that I think she sees the world largely in terms of identifying all the things she can control, and manipulating those elements as best she can. This starts and ends with her own body.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-11 03:14 am (UTC)I think that the only model she has for self-control is in the pursuit of important goals
This is a really good way to express it - and it makes me wonder what would have happened in a second season of the show. She's just reached a point in her career where she's (professionally) stable and secure, so what's the next goal? I think it would have been personal stuff. Unpacking those boxes, consolidating with her team.
she sees the world largely in terms of identifying all the things she can control, and manipulating those elements as best she can. This starts and ends with her own body.
Oh, yeah. Definitely. If she's not a cutter, I'll eat a bar of soap.
Did you see Rachel Nichols in Criminal Minds? They wrote her a character who was a (very pale) imitation of Rebecca. I liked the character, but wished they'd bothered to develop her a bit more.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-11 03:23 am (UTC)I see her less as a cutter and more as a compulsive exerciser. Five hours at the gym, that sort of thing. Actually, I see her as having been a cutter and realizing that people can spot that sort of thing. But almost no-one will criticize a woman for long-distance running.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-11 05:47 am (UTC)Well, I totally understand that - I was watching Ringers to get my fix of Jaime Murray.
Actually, I see her as having been a cutter and realizing that people can spot that sort of thing.
Yeah, that makes sense to me. Probably in college? Sometimes when she was under closer scrutiny. And if not an eating disorder, then incredibly ordered eating. Orthorexia, that sort of thing.
I wish we could get all the awesome FBI characters onto one show. (They all co-exist, in my head, anyway.)
no subject
Date: 2012-01-11 01:46 pm (UTC)