st_aurafina | Raspberry beret

lizclimo.

In other news, I am now a medicated person.

My anxiety got to a stage where I realised that I was coping but only just and with a great expenditure of energy, so I took myself to the doctor. It's a hard thing to do in any situation, but even more tricky when the doctor is a peer and you have to keep working with them afterwards. But I've always tried to be really open in meatspace about my mental health issues, so I sucked it up and did the thing. And it went like this: "I've consulted with another pharmacist and we've decided that I'll be best on escitalopram." The doctor was pretty good about this group onslaught, but after some discussion and looking up of things, we settled on desvenlafaxine. It's pink and square and looks a bit like pez, which pleases me.

The first week was awesome, mostly because I was sedated out of my gourd. It makes me think that sedation is an awesome treatment for anxiety, except for all of the dependence and tolerance issues. I really did not give a fuck about anything. Nothing made me worry. I loved it. By the end of the first pack, by which time the sedation had worn off and the medication was doing what it was supposed to do, I definitely felt more level. Less free-wheeling anxiety of the 'Did I turn the heater off? Is the sun going to go out? Are the cats in trouble?' type, and more resilience to deal with actual anxiety-causing events. It's not that I don't feel anxiety, but the anxiety is less intrusive. A bit. Quite a bit. I'm less indecisive, because I'm less anxious about the outcome. I'm also less likely to be apologetic about stuff because I'm less anxious about the other guy's feelings, the end result being that I'm a bit crankier than I was. Not sure if that's good, or if it makes me an asshole.

It's a very odd sensation, to have a whole different frame of mind. I pretty clearly have learned responses that now aren't triggering when I expect them to in anxious situations. It's a little less intimidating to go into shops, for example. I'm more likely to just up and do things, rather than agonising about the whys and wherefores. This is good.

Side-effects are all along the anti-SLUG type, (salivary, lacrimal, urinary, gastrointestinal): my eyes and mouth are noticeably dry, but on the other hand, I don't have to pee as frequently, which makes long drives a little easier. And being a FODMAP-sensitive person, I can handle a little less gastric motility. That's like a holiday.

So that happened. I'm glad I did it, but I am also glad I worked hard at other coping strategies as well. It all adds up to a better understanding of how my brain works.

tl;dr: I'm on drugs and they seem to work okay.

I have my

ssrconfidential assignment, and it's lovely and open and exactly the kind of thing I'd like to write. I just need... to get started, I think. I am a bit worried about the meds knocking down my ability to write, but I think that once I get a plot bunny nibble, I'll be right. And at the moment, I'm coming to the end of a Person of Interest rewatch to get ready for season five (SEASON FIVE OMG) and I'm all about the POI plot bunnies. So many bunnies.

Discharging linkspams:

- The easiest way to get fresh thyme leaves off the stalk. MIND. BLOWN.

- Awesome Breastforms - volunteers knit or crochet breast forms for mastectomy/lumpectomy patients, who can order whatever size, colour, filling they like. The forms are free, and for some people, more comfortable or accessible than expensive silicone forms.

- Artisinal ipsums:
Hipster ipsum
Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction ipsum
Bogan ipsum

- Good Morning Alice - a dreadful short film/jewellery ad featuring Gwenyth Paltrow, which has been delightfully over-masticated by fandom.

- Under Cats - photography series of cats on glass tables. SO MANY TOE BEANS.

- How to make a Black Widow doll, since Marvel is so fail.

- Styrofoam amplified cello - would also be handy in a shipwreck.

- This Took Forever woven tags - for those times when you've slaved over a handcrafted item, and it ends up in the dog's bed.

- Discover the kitchen style for your Myers-Briggs personality type - I fucking love stupid Myers-Briggs stuff. Am I the only one? It's so stupid and yet weirdly satifying. I'm INFP, and my kitchen style is "The Healer". UNCANNY.