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st_aurafinaEleven millionth try at making a post. I have been very slumpy and garbage-headed. There have been actual panic attacks for the first time in ages, and self-harm thoughts, and no sleep, and all that anxiety crap.
I saw a locum doctor and she was twelve, so I helped her decide that I needed some more medical support and that support would be amitriptyline 10mg at night. I dream of a doctor that will actually give me medical advice. (And since I'm dreaming, a doctor who is LGBT friendly rather than oblivious and likely to freak out if I even ask if they're LGBT friendly.)
The amitriptyline is working though: my mood is slowly elevating, I can sleep, and a work day doesn't strip me back to bare bones with exhaustion. I can write this entry! I'm still wanting to sit still with headphones on and crochet all day, but there's no harm in that. I have made a lot of hats.
I managed to get a Yuletide letter written, and and my sign-up done in time. I love my assignment and will love writing it. I wrote a last minute treat for![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
femslashex.
I've got so many fics to post - some fromfandomgiftbox that need posting here, and some unposted for 15kisses that are written but I can't seem to find the energy to actually post. And I need to plan for NaNo: I've got a sequel to Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters to write, my never-ending fixit fic for S5 of Person of Interest to finish, and my super never-ending post-Winter Soldier road trip fic to finish. I think the Winter Soldier one is closing in on the end? I think??
And I have made no Christmas cards. And I'm out of sympathy cards. (I make my own sympathy cards because I need them quite frequently, which sounds gruesome, but I work in healthcare with some very elderly patients. It's a nice thing to be able to send a handmade card when one of them passes on.)
Media I have absorbed:
Mindhunter: spoilers for the whole series
I did not intend to watch this: since Criminal Minds nose-dived, I've had enough of violent and sexualised crime shows. But I tried one episode and found it to be sharp and pointy in the right way, at the institutional problems in law enforcement: the skepticism with which it views academia and vice versa, the barriers between agencies that prevent adequate communication, the lack of oversight and procedure.
Yeah, this whole show is a list of 'I don't usually [x] but [y]: I don't usually like crime TV but this one worked hard on the characters; I don't usually get invested in the serial killer character, but the guy playing Ed Kemper is weirdly hypnotic; I don't usually put myself through shows with era-specific sexism and homophobia, but come on, it's Anna Torv.
Anna Torv playing a lesbian academic is catnip for me. Watching her trying to shape the agents' work into a scientific study, using science and determination is awesome. I currently ship her with Holden's girlfriend Debbie, who can do so much better than Holden. (Or at least Holden at the end of S1, that jerk.)
Watching this show was a whole bag of weird but I kept watching so it must have been good?
ST: Disco Very - spoilers up to 1.06 Lethe
The post I've been trying to make for weeks has been about this show, which is imperfect but amazing, and which I love so much.
1. I cannot convey how happy it makes me to see Star Trek credits on my screen. It gave me a little frisson of joy. And the credits are gorgeous! I love them, and the little nod to the original series at the very end.
2. I love Michael Burnham. I just love her. I am going to enjoy finding out about her background. I immediately shipped her with Phillipa Georgiou, and still do in a past-tense way. I was holding out hope that Georgiou was still alive, but since we know she got eaten (I get the feeling Fuller can't leave Hannibal behind *ever*), I have to let that go.
3. The mushroom drive is daft and makes no sense but I'll go with it, especially since we know that it's not the propulsion system Starfleet goes in the future. There must be something really wrong with it. It's a ticking bomb waiting to go off.
4. Speaking of ticking bombs, Lorca is such a fucked up piece of work, and not at all what I'd expect in a Starfleet captain (and after tonight's episode, not what Starfleet expects of a captain, either.) I've gone from being put off to horrified to horrified and fascinated at the same time. At least he's a carefully crafted mess, and I'm finding his manipulation of the crew kinda interesting in a wrong-bad-wrong way.
- I like the crew! I like Saru (danger ganglia!) and Tilly (snoring and drooling!) and Stamets (he's so mellow now he's on shrooms!) and Doctor Culber (Doctor Husband!) and I'm ready to like the rest when we get a chance to know them. I'm not so sure about this new guy (and the terrible, terrifying rumours about his character) but after 1.06, I get his vibe. I can ship him with Captain Fuck-up, pretty intensely. And kinkily.
- I did genuinely get a little misty eyed at the m/m domestic tooth-brushing. There's canon gay kissing on Trek on TV. (I know the last movie had Sulu's husband and kid? I haven't seen it.)
- I hate Klingon politics. I mostly hate Klingon storylines, unless they're written with a very deft touch that gives us multi-dimensional Klingons. I do not like Disco Very Klingons. I do like their architecture though, and their jewelry.
- I do like Vulcan politics! I like James Frain as Sarek, and I love the actress playing Amanda, and I love the idea of Michael growing up with ankle-biter Spock. I bet she was an awesome big sister and I bet he was a bit of a shit. (It was weird in tonight's episode to see all that standing water on Vulcan. Being steeped in the Diane Duane books, I felt it looked really indulgent? IDK, it's weird the things that chime with me about Trek.)
- I have to keep reminding myself this is a really complex show, and has been from the outset. It's not something I'm used to from Trek series, which usually spend a few seasons finding their identity before kicking into gear. This one seems to know what it is from the outset, and so it's a bit odd to not immediately know everything about the characters. They're not, I don't know, archetypes drawn large, they're nuanced. They're going to have arcs and development and stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that; I already like Stamets so much more than I did originally. Even if his mirror thing is creepy af. (Though if it leads to a Mirrorverse ep, I will be thrilled because that would surely mean Mirrorverse Georgiou, and Mirrorverse Georgiou will, of course, be amazing.)
Spoilers for The Good Place, S2 in general
I'm still enjoying this show, for the excellent and many-layered premise. It continues to entertain! But most of all, I love Janet. And after watching the gag reel for Season one, I love how ad libbed it is. How they all come in with different lines every take. And I love Janet the most forever and ever:
Janet, handing Michael the basketball: "Look, Michael! It's a witch."
*several seconds later*
Janet: "Burn her".
*loves them all* The season is nearly over! I will be sad. (I would link to the gag reel but it's been blocked. Looking at the gag reel will send you to the Bad Place. *nods* I was probably going anyway.)
Thoughts on Black Sails - spoilers for the first eight eps
My thoughts go like this:
- this is very handheld.lilacsigil will never get to see any of this. But everyone looks very hot and grubby, and I don't think she will enjoy that.
- omg Eleanor. Eleanor and Max! <3 <3 <3 ...oh. Well, I shouldn't be surprised that this show is rapey as hell.
- omg is that Anne Bonny? IT IS ANNE BONNY! ILU ANNE BONNY! She's great and terrifying and the guys are pretty scared of her and omg. I went to look up the actress, and her name is Lady Clara Elizabeth Isis Page. Um. Gosh.
- I don't know too much about Mrs Barlow yet, but I'm getting a pretty strong vibe that she and Captain Flint and Mr Barlow were a threesome. I hope they were a threesome.
- This show has huge queer undercurrents. And actual f/f sex, but it would be nice to see a few m/m scenes. Because that was definitely a thing.
- Did I just see Jack Rackham in sunglasses?
Answer: yes.
- Whenever I find out an actor is Australian, I have to know if they're School of Home & Away, or School of Neighbours, the two major soaps of the nineties and where all Aussie actors of a certain age come from. If they're from NZ, it's usually Shortland Street. (Toby Schmitz is Home & Away.)
Spoilers for Supergirl S3.03 Far From the Tree
- Well, that bridal shower was effing uncomfortable. Poor Maggie, poor, poor Maggie. *weeps*
- I think it was a nice touch to get Carl Lumbly (who voiced J'onn J'onzz in the animated series) to play J'onn's father.
- Omg, that Britney tune. Omg, took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
- Alex and Maggie are going to break up, aren't they? JUST TELL THE TRUTH, ALEX. I'm pretty sure that the writers are setting up this woman with super powers as the new love interest, or a love triangle. I guess that's the upshot of having gay characters: you're going to get gay love triangles. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate a gay love triangle as much as a straight one.
If this show kills a lesbian, it's dumped.
It has actually taken me two weeks to write this post. Things aren't great in my treehouse. Kangaroos loose in the top paddock. One snag short of a barbie. Few sangas short of a picnic. (How many of these can I spool out? Mullions, mate.)
I saw a locum doctor and she was twelve, so I helped her decide that I needed some more medical support and that support would be amitriptyline 10mg at night. I dream of a doctor that will actually give me medical advice. (And since I'm dreaming, a doctor who is LGBT friendly rather than oblivious and likely to freak out if I even ask if they're LGBT friendly.)
The amitriptyline is working though: my mood is slowly elevating, I can sleep, and a work day doesn't strip me back to bare bones with exhaustion. I can write this entry! I'm still wanting to sit still with headphones on and crochet all day, but there's no harm in that. I have made a lot of hats.
I managed to get a Yuletide letter written, and and my sign-up done in time. I love my assignment and will love writing it. I wrote a last minute treat for
femslashex.I've got so many fics to post - some from
fandomgiftbox that need posting here, and some unposted for 15kisses that are written but I can't seem to find the energy to actually post. And I need to plan for NaNo: I've got a sequel to Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters to write, my never-ending fixit fic for S5 of Person of Interest to finish, and my super never-ending post-Winter Soldier road trip fic to finish. I think the Winter Soldier one is closing in on the end? I think??And I have made no Christmas cards. And I'm out of sympathy cards. (I make my own sympathy cards because I need them quite frequently, which sounds gruesome, but I work in healthcare with some very elderly patients. It's a nice thing to be able to send a handmade card when one of them passes on.)
Media I have absorbed:
Mindhunter: spoilers for the whole series
I did not intend to watch this: since Criminal Minds nose-dived, I've had enough of violent and sexualised crime shows. But I tried one episode and found it to be sharp and pointy in the right way, at the institutional problems in law enforcement: the skepticism with which it views academia and vice versa, the barriers between agencies that prevent adequate communication, the lack of oversight and procedure.
Yeah, this whole show is a list of 'I don't usually [x] but [y]: I don't usually like crime TV but this one worked hard on the characters; I don't usually get invested in the serial killer character, but the guy playing Ed Kemper is weirdly hypnotic; I don't usually put myself through shows with era-specific sexism and homophobia, but come on, it's Anna Torv.
Anna Torv playing a lesbian academic is catnip for me. Watching her trying to shape the agents' work into a scientific study, using science and determination is awesome. I currently ship her with Holden's girlfriend Debbie, who can do so much better than Holden. (Or at least Holden at the end of S1, that jerk.)
Watching this show was a whole bag of weird but I kept watching so it must have been good?
ST: Disco Very - spoilers up to 1.06 Lethe
The post I've been trying to make for weeks has been about this show, which is imperfect but amazing, and which I love so much.
1. I cannot convey how happy it makes me to see Star Trek credits on my screen. It gave me a little frisson of joy. And the credits are gorgeous! I love them, and the little nod to the original series at the very end.
2. I love Michael Burnham. I just love her. I am going to enjoy finding out about her background. I immediately shipped her with Phillipa Georgiou, and still do in a past-tense way. I was holding out hope that Georgiou was still alive, but since we know she got eaten (I get the feeling Fuller can't leave Hannibal behind *ever*), I have to let that go.
3. The mushroom drive is daft and makes no sense but I'll go with it, especially since we know that it's not the propulsion system Starfleet goes in the future. There must be something really wrong with it. It's a ticking bomb waiting to go off.
4. Speaking of ticking bombs, Lorca is such a fucked up piece of work, and not at all what I'd expect in a Starfleet captain (and after tonight's episode, not what Starfleet expects of a captain, either.) I've gone from being put off to horrified to horrified and fascinated at the same time. At least he's a carefully crafted mess, and I'm finding his manipulation of the crew kinda interesting in a wrong-bad-wrong way.
- I like the crew! I like Saru (danger ganglia!) and Tilly (snoring and drooling!) and Stamets (he's so mellow now he's on shrooms!) and Doctor Culber (Doctor Husband!) and I'm ready to like the rest when we get a chance to know them. I'm not so sure about this new guy (and the terrible, terrifying rumours about his character) but after 1.06, I get his vibe. I can ship him with Captain Fuck-up, pretty intensely. And kinkily.
- I did genuinely get a little misty eyed at the m/m domestic tooth-brushing. There's canon gay kissing on Trek on TV. (I know the last movie had Sulu's husband and kid? I haven't seen it.)
- I hate Klingon politics. I mostly hate Klingon storylines, unless they're written with a very deft touch that gives us multi-dimensional Klingons. I do not like Disco Very Klingons. I do like their architecture though, and their jewelry.
- I do like Vulcan politics! I like James Frain as Sarek, and I love the actress playing Amanda, and I love the idea of Michael growing up with ankle-biter Spock. I bet she was an awesome big sister and I bet he was a bit of a shit. (It was weird in tonight's episode to see all that standing water on Vulcan. Being steeped in the Diane Duane books, I felt it looked really indulgent? IDK, it's weird the things that chime with me about Trek.)
- I have to keep reminding myself this is a really complex show, and has been from the outset. It's not something I'm used to from Trek series, which usually spend a few seasons finding their identity before kicking into gear. This one seems to know what it is from the outset, and so it's a bit odd to not immediately know everything about the characters. They're not, I don't know, archetypes drawn large, they're nuanced. They're going to have arcs and development and stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that; I already like Stamets so much more than I did originally. Even if his mirror thing is creepy af. (Though if it leads to a Mirrorverse ep, I will be thrilled because that would surely mean Mirrorverse Georgiou, and Mirrorverse Georgiou will, of course, be amazing.)
Spoilers for The Good Place, S2 in general
I'm still enjoying this show, for the excellent and many-layered premise. It continues to entertain! But most of all, I love Janet. And after watching the gag reel for Season one, I love how ad libbed it is. How they all come in with different lines every take. And I love Janet the most forever and ever:
Janet, handing Michael the basketball: "Look, Michael! It's a witch."
*several seconds later*
Janet: "Burn her".
*loves them all* The season is nearly over! I will be sad. (I would link to the gag reel but it's been blocked. Looking at the gag reel will send you to the Bad Place. *nods* I was probably going anyway.)
Thoughts on Black Sails - spoilers for the first eight eps
My thoughts go like this:
- this is very handheld.
lilacsigil will never get to see any of this. But everyone looks very hot and grubby, and I don't think she will enjoy that.- omg Eleanor. Eleanor and Max! <3 <3 <3 ...oh. Well, I shouldn't be surprised that this show is rapey as hell.
- omg is that Anne Bonny? IT IS ANNE BONNY! ILU ANNE BONNY! She's great and terrifying and the guys are pretty scared of her and omg. I went to look up the actress, and her name is Lady Clara Elizabeth Isis Page. Um. Gosh.
- I don't know too much about Mrs Barlow yet, but I'm getting a pretty strong vibe that she and Captain Flint and Mr Barlow were a threesome. I hope they were a threesome.
- This show has huge queer undercurrents. And actual f/f sex, but it would be nice to see a few m/m scenes. Because that was definitely a thing.
- Did I just see Jack Rackham in sunglasses?
Answer: yes.
- Whenever I find out an actor is Australian, I have to know if they're School of Home & Away, or School of Neighbours, the two major soaps of the nineties and where all Aussie actors of a certain age come from. If they're from NZ, it's usually Shortland Street. (Toby Schmitz is Home & Away.)
Spoilers for Supergirl S3.03 Far From the Tree
- Well, that bridal shower was effing uncomfortable. Poor Maggie, poor, poor Maggie. *weeps*
- I think it was a nice touch to get Carl Lumbly (who voiced J'onn J'onzz in the animated series) to play J'onn's father.
- Omg, that Britney tune. Omg, took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
- Alex and Maggie are going to break up, aren't they? JUST TELL THE TRUTH, ALEX. I'm pretty sure that the writers are setting up this woman with super powers as the new love interest, or a love triangle. I guess that's the upshot of having gay characters: you're going to get gay love triangles. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate a gay love triangle as much as a straight one.
If this show kills a lesbian, it's dumped.
It has actually taken me two weeks to write this post. Things aren't great in my treehouse. Kangaroos loose in the top paddock. One snag short of a barbie. Few sangas short of a picnic. (How many of these can I spool out? Mullions, mate.)