Patron Saint of Falling Over Things

July was sucky, in a broad spectrum way, spanning from cat sick on the doona to an emergency hospital visit. I seem to be consistently making and sending sympathy cards, too, which can stop any time now.

I need to take said doona to the dry cleaners but life keeps getting in the way, and it just sits there, all crumpled up and judging me. I think I am that doona. I am that sad, suspiciously stained, sunken-in-the-middle doona that nobody will help.

*massive le sigh*

On the other hand, I just found a note to myself in email drafts about a fic plot point that I had completely forgotten, and it fixes a problem very neatly. Clever past!me.

Ooh, and clearly I meant to put this in a post and then lost it in the morass of drafts:
AWESOME CUSTOMER REPORT:
Customer: I'd like these scripts filled, please. *is a dear little old lady in her eighties, wearing a black cardigan*
Me: Sure! That will be about ten minutes.
Customer: *turns to browse giftware. Her black cardigan has ELVIS' FACE KNITTED INTO THE BACK.*
Me: ELVIS!
Customer: *gives me a sly little wink*

Later, when she is collecting her scripts:
Me: And now you can take Elvis up to the counter.
Customer: And then Elvis will leave the building.

My customers. Seriously. Love 'em.

I must go through these email drafts more often - there are treasures in here.


( As We Go blanket progress )

Fic recs:

The Haunting of Captain America (2309 words) by celeste9
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Thor (Marvel), Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Ghosts, Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, Friendship, Team, Remix
Summary:

Steve's being haunted by the ghost of his best friend. The other Avengers find out.

This is super cute, and surprisingly lacking in angst considering Bucky is an actualfax ghost.

The Cage is Full, The Day is New (7738 words) by banerries
Chapters: 10/?
Fandom: Orange is the New Black, The Walking Dead (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Characters: Joel Luschek, Wanda Bell - Character, Scott O'Neill - Character, Tasha "Taystee" Jefferson, Cindy "Black Cindy" Hayes, John Bennett (Orange is the New Black), Maritza Ramos, Marisol "Flaca" Gonzales, Gloria Mendoza, Dayanara "Daya" Diaz, Tiffany "Pennsatucky" Doggett, Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Galina "Red" Reznikov, Brook Soso, Poussey Washington, Eliqua Maxwell, Nicky Nichols, Lorna Morello, Piper Chapman, Maria Ruiz, Blanca Flores, Erica "Yoga" Jones, Angie Rice, Janae Watson, Mei Chang (Orange is the New Black)
Additional Tags: Friendship, Female Friendship, Ensemble Cast, Survival, Zombies, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions
Summary:

As the zombie apocalypse quickly overruns the world around them, the women of Litchfield must rely on each other to survive.

I don't normally rec WIPs, but I love this too much to wait. Practical and in character and frustrating in the right way (Caputo's first instinct at a zombie outbreak is to immediately keep the news from the inmates, for example.)

the family evans (3529 words) by dirgewithoutmusic
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Petunia Evans Dursley & Harry Potter, Petunia Evans Dursley & Lily Evans Potter, Petuna Evans Dursley & Remus Lupin, Dudley Dursley & Harry Potter
Characters: Petunia Evans Dursley, Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley
Additional Tags: What-If, Family
Series: Part 4 of boy with a scar
Summary:

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in?

Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them).

Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

I love all of these AUs, but this one is my favourite by far. Amazing Petunia, still very much herself, but with all that ferocity tapped and sent in a more positive direction. (And thanks, dine for the rec!)